Poem/Song, Poetry, reflections, Writing

excuse me


for years
 tearing myself apart
 over and over
 for what?
 for you?
 for them?
 in my soul
 my mind tormenting
 day after day
 no respite
 and for what
 for whom?
 for you
 and you
 and you
 endless list
 of names
 one way addresses
 receiving nothing
 giving so fucking much
 for what
 for whom
 for nothing?
 i relent
 i forgive
 i forget
 but i will try
 for whom?
 for you?
 for them?
 no. for me
 only me
 all this for loves
 that never were
 that will never be
 wasted time
 wasted years
 paralyzed by fear
 of being alone
 yet still alone
 we all are
 until we are not
 until we disappear
 from the minds eye
 from the lens
 in front of you
 right here
 right now
 i was there
 were you?
 memory knows
 there is nothing else
 that's all that's left
 the dust of me
 the dust of you
 love thats really unreal